The Marquette Prophet: A Frivolous View of the Ridiculous

Hehehe

2005-11-15T10:58:00.000-06:00

NYT Editorial

2005-11-08T15:14:00.000-06:00

From the Carpet-Bagger Report:

I'm not one to jump to conclusions, but the New York Times sounded an awful lot like it was calling for Bush's removal from office today.

NEW YORK TIMES:
After President Bush's disastrous visit to Latin America, it's unnerving to realize that his presidency still has more than three years to run. An administration with no agenda and no competence would be hard enough to live with on the domestic front. But the rest of the world simply can't afford an American government this bad for that long.
In Argentina, Mr. Bush, who prides himself on his ability to relate to world leaders face to face, could barely summon the energy to chat with the 33 other leaders there, almost all of whom would be considered friendly to the United States under normal circumstances. He and his delegation failed to get even a minimally face-saving outcome at the collapsed trade talks and allowed a loudmouthed opportunist like the president of Venezuela to steal the show.
It's amazing to remember that when Mr. Bush first ran for president, he bragged about his understanding of Latin America, his ability to speak Spanish and his friendship with Mexico. But he also made fun of Al Gore for believing that nation-building was a job for the United States military.
The White House is in an uproar over the future of Karl Rove, the president's political adviser, and spinning off rumors that some top cabinet members may be asked to walk the plank. Mr. Bush could certainly afford to replace some of his top advisers. But the central problem is not Karl Rove or Treasury Secretary John Snow or even Donald Rumsfeld, the defense secretary. It is President Bush himself.

It should come as no surprise that I agree with all of this, but isn't this an example of the nation's leading newspaper arguing that Bush should no longer be president? That, as far as the Times is concerned, the world "simply can't afford" him?
I've been reading NYT editorials for quite a while and, outside of explicit candidate endorsements, this was about as direct an affront as I've seen. This seemed to walk right up to the "impeach him" line.

OK, Let's Play This Out.

2005-11-07T19:08:00.000-06:00

See, now these are the kinds of discussions that I simultaneously am trying to avoid and trying to make public so that the entire debate seems less ridiculous.

Anonymous poster says:
"Bush looked at the same intelligence 29 Democrat senators did before they voted in favor of the war. This impeachment stuff does not hold water. By the way, was Clinton a step below treason when he bombed Iraq?I smell desperation since all they got was Scooter... "

First of all, the Democratic senators looked at two sources of information. The first was Bush's State of the Union Address and the other was the Senate Committee's findings. The trouble is that the committee had very little oversight (seeing as how it's only a Senate committee, not an international organization or non-governmental organization with the ability to perform investigations in a foreign nation) and had to rely heavily on the findings of other groups like the CIA. The committee already admitted that they screwed up royally - when will Bush apologize? My guess - never.

Second - the impeachment stuff doesn't hold water? I recommend reading the rules and regulations of the Senate. It's a fun read. When you do, you'll find that deliberately ignoring facts in order to persuade the country into war is considered a high form of perjury and is actually legally included in the Senate handbook as an impeachable offense. Whether or not that materializes is entirely dependent on the Senate's findings in the next months regarding whether Bush KNOWINGLY disregarded Wilson's information (or an independent commission, if it gets to that...we should know by 11/14). If he did, you can bet that the impeachment cup will be more than a little full, and that's coming from someone working in a Democratic office in the Senate.

Third - a distinction needs to be made between bombing and invading. Very different military operations in terms of casualties, strategy, the ability to perform "surgical strikes", and legal responsibilities. Bush could have bombed Saddam until he complied and allowed inspectors into his country, but Bush made a decision that invasion was a better strategic option. That being said, Clinton never was in this mess because he never has been accused of deliberately witholding information from the U.S. public in order to manipulate a war in favor or war.

If Clinton did, I'd be as angry at him as at Bush. If Bush did, I'll be the first to say that he probably shouldn't be in office...an opinion that damn well should be echoed by a majority of the country.

Oh, and if you want to know about why Scooter Libby was the only one indicted, read Fitzgerald's comments after the indictment was handed down (the moral of this post is to read more). The indictment specifically states that Cheney was involved and he also says that Rove is still under investigation. Let me say, though, that "just" getting Scooter is misleading - the man was Cheney's Chief of Staff and had considerable power in the White House leading up to his resignation. It's not like the Democrats only got a janitor or a Bush chef. In terms of desperation, if there is any I haven't seen it yet. The crux of the Democratic strategy is not to get everyone indicted...thus not getting more than one person yet is not a crushing defeat. Remember that the Democrats already got DeLay and Libby, with the possibilities of Rove and Frist coming in the next months. They didn't expect any of that - it's not desperation, it's a pleasant surprise.

LONG political explanation

2005-11-02T09:02:00.000-06:00

I've been terrible at updating this, but it's 100% because we've got so much to do out here. That being said, it would be a good time to write something, but not about my life b/c nothing is going on for me personally. Instead, I'm going to do everyone a favor and explain what all the huffing and puffing in D.C. is. I've had the pleasure of talking to a few super-republicans in the last week and most of them had literally no idea what was going on and just assumed that it was poor politics. If you are in that boat, do me a favor and at least read the rest of this before you make up your mind.

January 28, 2003: With the Iraq invasion on the horizon, President Bush announces in his State of the Union that: "The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa."

July 6th: Nearly 3 months after Baghdad falls, Joe Wilson (a former U.S. Ambassador) writes an op-ed to the New York Times stating that he performed a CIA investigation of the Niger uranium that Bush cited and found it "highly doubtful" that such a transaction could have occurred.

July 11th: George Tenent, the CIA director, says that the uranium should have been left out of the State of the Union address and takes responsibility for the mistake.

July 14th: Robert Novak, a columnist and former CNN correspondent, writes that Valerie Plame (Wilson's wife) is a CIA operative and suggested sending him to Niger, citing "two senior administration officials" for the report. (Note: a 1982 law makes knowingly disclosing the identity of a covert agent a felony punishable by up to 10 years in prison.)

September 26th: The Justice Department launches a probe into Plame's identity.

September 29th: Novak refuses to reveal his sources. He states that the CIA asked him not to reveal her identity, but never said that it would put her in any danger.

December 30th: Attourney General John Ashcroft excuses himself from the case, citing a conflict of interest. Pat Fitzgerald, the U.S. attourney in Chicago, is named a special prosecutor to take over the investigation.

May 21, 2004: Time magazine reporter Matthew Cooper is subpoenaed. Cooper and Time refuse to comply, but later relent.

June 5th: Dick Cheney is questioned.

June 19th: George W. Bush is questioned, although not under oath. It is announced that Bush has hired a private attourney, Jim Sharp.

July 16th: Colin Powell appears in front of the grand jury investigating the leak.

August 12th: Judith Miller, a writer for the New York Times, is subpoenaed. Miller and the Times refuse to cooperate.

October 7th: U.S. District Judge Thomas Hogan holds Miller in contempt of court. 6 days later, he finds Cooper and Time Magazine in contempt.

February 15th, 2005: A 3-judge panel of a federal appeals court denies the combined appeal of Miller, Cooper, the NYT, and Time Magazine. The full court affirms that decision in April. The Supreme Court refuses to hear the case in June.

June 30th: Time Magazine surrenders Cooper's noters to Fitzgerald, arguing that all routes of appeal had been exhausted and Cooper should be spared jail time. Cooper and Miller vow to continue their defiance.

July 3th: A lawyer for top White House advisor Karl Rove says that Rove talked to Cooper before CIA agent Valerie Plame's name became public, but did not disclose anything confidential.

July 5th: Fitzgerald states that Cooper still needs to testify in front of the grand jury and requests to the judge (Hogan) that Miller and Cooper not be allowed to serve any of their sentence under house arrest. The two could face up to 4 months in prison.

July 6th: A federal judge orders Miller jailed for contempt of court for refusing to testify to the grand jury regarding her source for the name of the operative. Cooper announces that he has recieved a waiver from his source and will testify to avoid jail time.

July 13th: After days of media rumors that Karl Rove was named as a source by Cooper, Bush declines comment. Cooper testifies.

September 29th: Miller is released 12 weeks later after her source agreed to let her identify him. Her source? Lewis "Scooter" Libby, Vice President Dick Cheney's Chief of Staff.

October 14th: Rove testifies for the fourth time in front of the grand jury.

October 25th: The New York Times reports (based on lawyers close to the case) that Libby first heard Plame's name from Dick Cheney in a conversation on June 12th, 2003...a month before Novak made it public knowledge. This is in direct conflict with Libby's testimony that he had not heard Plame's name until he was told it by reporters.

October 28th: Fitzgerald announces that he has indicted Libby on 5 counts: 1 - obstruction of justice and 2 each of perjury and making false statements. Libby immediately resigns. Fitzgerald states that he is not done investigating and that more indictments could still come.

November 1st: Democratic Minority Leader Harry Reid invokes Rule 21 in the Senate, calling for a closed session (no press, no staff, only Senators) to discuss the White House's involvement in the CIA leak and, more importantly, discuss the investigation regarding Bush's State of the Union and whether it was based on false information. If so, such a statement would be a legally impeachable offense. The Republicans immediately create a 6-member panel to investigate the committee, analyze its progress in the investigation, and determine if a commission similar to the 9/11 commission is necessary.

-------End Factual Timeline---------
-------Start Rumor Mill-------------

Drew's thoughts on the situation:

1. Karl Rove very well could still be indicted. In the last week, he has told his friends that he is still under heavy investigation and is expecting to be in legal trouble. Trent Lott (extreme conservative) has joined the hoardes of democrats and moderates calling for Rove to step down.

2. Libby was the first White House employee ever to be indicted. Ever. All others stepped down first.

3. If Bush is found to have knowingly mislead the public and the Senate into war, it's a step below treason legally. Yes, this is probably more important than Alito and the Supreme Court right now. Yes, this is more important than pre-preparations for the bird flu. Was the Democrats' action extreme and a stunt? Yes. Was it necessary? Probably, b/c if the Republicans have their way, we'll never find out what Bush's role has been.

4. The Committee in the Senate was in charge of 2 things: Finding out what the Senate did wrong in their investigations pre-Iraq and finding out what Bush did wrong. They completed phase one over a year ago, determining that the CIA screwed up. Phase two? Never completed. Never really started, probably. It was postponed, then put off indefinitely until yesterday.

How this all plays out will be interesting, but it's certain that the Republicans are in BIG trouble right now.

Bill Frist? Could be indicted for his illegal stock trading and possible insider information.
Lewis Libby? Already indicted on 5 counts. Resigned.
Karl Rove? Indictment could come in the next week.
Tom DeLay? Already indicted on 2 separate charges. Removed himself from leadership, but refused to resign.
Cheney? Under investigation. Definitely involved as per Fitzgerald's public statements, but likely will get away without an indictment.
Bush? That's the question that the country needs to start asking.

I'd Vote For Him

2005-10-26T16:12:00.000-05:00

Thanks to The Carpetbagger Report for this one...

A professor at the University of Southern Maine announced this week a reward of $1 million to anyone who could provide a photograph that leads to the capture of Bigfoot alive.

Loren Coleman, representing Duel Masters, a company that makes toys and trading cards, said the firm would fork over the money for a specimen of the elusive creature, reported the Associated Press.

Days later, however, the company rescinded the offer, fearing someone might get hurt if hordes of heavily armed Bigfoot hunters charged into the woods.

I know what you're thinking: "Hey, this is a political blog. Stop writing about Bigfoot!" Bear with me. This story has an easy-to-overlook political bent, and here it is: I'm convinced Bigfoot is on our side. He's a Democrat, and if we find him he could become a powerful spokesmonster for the progressive cause. I'd like to see the original offer resurrected and the bounty upped to at least $2 million. We need to find America's abominable snowman fast.

Imagine that it's one year from today, and numerous House and Senate races are too close to call. Control of Congress hangs in the balance. That's when we bust out our new commercials:
Cue the soft lights, gentle piano music in the background. Bigfoot sits on a stool, looking kind of casual against a background of earth tones that really accentuates his dark hair. Of course, we've given him a thorough wash and comb and dressed him in some khaki Dockers and a light blue Oxford button-down with an open collar. (Let's hope the big-and-tall store has really big and really tall items.)

He looks directly at the camera and says, "Hi, I'm sasquatch. You might remember me from that 1967 film where I ran through the woods. Yeah, those sure were crazy times… but I'm here today to talk about something much more serious. You see, the Republican Congress really has me worried. Oh, I know people think I'm just a symbol of the rugged spirit of the untamed West — and I suppose I was once. But the Republicans have made it impossible for that spirit to exist anymore. They've logged my forests, polluted my streams and allowed oil companies to rip up my back yard. A guy can't even get a decent night's sleep any more. And don't even get me started on global warming. You try wearing a fur coat all summer long. And you know what else? Like 45 million other Americans, I don't have a health-care plan.

"We have the power to make a difference. Please, go to the polls and vote Democratic this year. Do it for me, your old pal Bigfoot. If you don't, I might have to come and eat your children — just kidding.

"I'm Bigfoot, and I approve this ad."

The big guy has real star power. I think he could easily turn the tide in several states and districts. Let's face it, no one wants to monkey with him.

Hilarious.

2005-10-21T08:57:00.000-05:00

A site dedicated to firing Joe Morgan has this analysis of a Skip bayless article on the White Sox. The article is in bold, the comments are... well, are not. Funny Stuff:

And Ozzie Will Cure Malaria in the Third World
Master of hyperbole Skip Bayless:

Ozzie, with help from Orlando Hernandez, kept telling Contreras how good he is until he finally believed them. No pitcher in baseball has been hotter the past couple of months.
That's all he needed: two dudes telling him he's good. It's interesting that Joe Torre never tried that.

Ozzie took an Angels castoff named Bobby Jenks -- a July minor-league call-up -- and turned him into the closer he lacked.
This was a good move. But the real story is how fortunate the White Sox have been to get career years out of journeymen Dustin Hermanson (2.04 ERA this year, 4.21 career ERA) and Cliff Politte (2.00 / 4.06) as well as an amazing year from young Neal Cotts (1.94 ERA after a 5.65 ERA last year).
How much of that was Ozzie? I'm speaking for Bayless when I say 100%.

Ozzie pushed El Duque's button to get the White Sox out of a bases-loaded, no-outs jam against the Red Sox in the sixth inning of Game 3.
He pushed his button. It's that simple.

And of course, Ozzie let his starters finish all nine innings of all four victories over the Angels. No manager in baseball would have been crazy -- or shrewd -- enough to sit on his hands and ignore The Book and his bullpen.
It's possible he should have allowed some members of his bullpen to get some work in so they wouldn't be entering the World Series with a minimum of 11 days off (and that's just Cotts -- no other relief pitcher has thrown in a game since October 7th!). Of course, the ChiSox won those four games, and that's the most important thing, but they likely could have won them and not had their bullpen be that rusty.

That was last year the White Sox played in the World Series. That team had three big stars -- Luis Aparicio, Nellie Fox and Early Wynn.
This team has Ozzie.
You heard it here first: Ozzie will become the first man to pitch five complete games and hit seventeen inside the park home runs in a single game.

Series prediction: Ozzie in 3 (Astros will give up and return to their homes in fear midway through the third game).

YESSSSSSSSS

2005-10-11T16:29:00.000-05:00

This weekend at the New Trier Season Opener, Marquette BJ (Gaurav Bhatnagar and Tyler Jackson) reached, at the time of writing, at least the quarterfinals of the tournament. New Trier is a quarterfinals bid to National Tournament of Champions in Lexington, KY. Thus, Marquette received its first bid to the tournament. (You need at least two bids in order to attend the tournament). Congratulations to Gaurav and Tyler.

My Thoughts

2005-10-04T15:52:00.000-05:00

This is an actual ESPN article. I figured I should respond to it, so my response is in italics.

By Eric Neel
Page 2

This one goes out to all the swing voters in the house:

White Sox Nation wants YOU.

If you're wearing red underwear (whether it be for Anaheim, Boston or St. Louis), if you get misty every time some commentator mentions what an emotional ride it's been for Joe Torre this season, ignore this. If you're part of that small subset of Americans who believe the Astros offense will sneak up on people this week, if you've been known to practice "the chop" in front of the mirror, or if you've just posted an update to your jakepeavyismycopilot blog, you can move along.

But if you're undecided, if you want somebody to love, if you need somebody to love, and if you're not borderline repulsed by the fact that I just did a little Jefferson Airplane riff, you should adopt the Chicago White Sox for the 2005 postseason.

And here's why:

1. Ozzie! Ozzie! Ozzie! While Mr. Osbourne recently announced that physical maladies will keep him from participating in Ozzfest 2006, Mr. Guillen promises to keep rocking throughout the 2005 baseball playoffs. This is good news for those who enjoy gritty, gutty small, er, smartball (the White Sox stole 137 bases during the regular season), and very good news for those who enjoy the candid, slightly unhinged Guillen quote machine. (Who can forget his take last fall on Rangers manager Buck Showalter -- "There are so many different things he might be jealous [of] ... I was a better player than him, I've got more money than him and I'm better looking than him." Or his delightful assessment of former White Sox outfielder Magglio Ordonez earlier this season -- "He has an enemy. Now he has a big one. He knows I can [expletive] him a lot of different ways. He better shut the [expletive] up and play for the Detroit Tigers.") Which, under the pressure of the playoffs, is a trait almost certain to eviscerate and amuse. Ozzie Guillen is candid??? The man is annoying, his managing is not exactly groundbreaking, and he can't even speak English well enough to rally a state around his team. I'd sooner cheer for Terry Francona [of the Red Sox].

2. They're true underdogs. I don't care if they do have the best record in the American League, the South Siders are dogs. Unlike Mr. Affleck's (what's with the NY Times treatment you say? Not sure. Perhaps your humble writer is still clawing for credibility after his regrettable, unexplainable descent into Slickdome above) red-stockinged darlings, the White Sox play under the cloud of a genuine curse (Chick Gandil, anyone?). UNDERDOGS??? That's like calling the Yankees a poor team. That's like calling the Lakers barely coached. They are the FAVORITES, not the underdogs. Oh, and it's not a curse - the White Sox have just been terrible for that many years.

To root for them is to root against the 88-year tide of history, against the still-stinking superiority of Kenesaw Mountain Landis, and against the fact that the last truly memorable thing the club ever did was put shorts and big lapels on Greg Luzinski. Rooting for the White Sox is taking up for the damned, for the forsaken. It is noble, charitable work, and, as a bonus for the Chuck D fans in the crowd, it is work best done with one fist raised in the air while humming "Fight the Power." I'm ok with cheering for history to continue on its course. Why change the inevitable?

3. The barbecue on the South Side is delish. I'm not saying you will make a playoff pilgrimage in the next 48 hours, I'm just saying if you do, then you will be mightily rewarded, especially if you visit Leon's on 59th Street. I'd rather get a hot dog in Anaheim or Mac and Cheese in San Diego. Your BBQ is not THAT good, Chicago.

4. Bobby Jenks needs you. Starting rotation? Check. Mad base-stealing speed guy? Check. Surprising team power? Check. Lights-out closer? Well, in the immortal words of Lofty, "Um, yeah ... I think so." Jenks has six saves, the first of them coming on Aug. 25. His numbers are pretty good (2.75 ERA and a .225 batting average against), so it's not a lead-pipe cinch that he'll melt like a chocolate coin left in the cup holder of your brand new Lexus, but still, these are the playoffs, and he will be facing the Red Sox, which means Jenks vs. Papi with the game on the line at some point. And so you see, Bobby Jenks needs your support, he needs to feel you out there, rooting for him and whispering secret prayers on his behalf. Bobby Jenks needs all the help that he can get. The kid has alright numbers, but they are just low enough that we can count on Papi crushing a few of his fastballs into the upper deck. If you think he can anchor a major-league team into the world series, you are kidding the world. But we're not falling for it. We know that he's a punk without game. Who sucks.

5. Despite what I said earlier, White Sox fans actually don't want you. According to my friend Andy in Chicago, "Hard-core White Sox fans don't want anyone jumping on board now, they'd rather go it alone." And my first thought, like yours, was, "There are hard-core White Sox fans? Plural?" But then I realized, of course there are, and, like Jodie Foster in "Foxes," they aren't so tough, they've just been burned and they're just covering up so they don't get hurt again. What they need is love, maybe a hug and most definitely your pledge to stand by them no matter how many times the team runs into unnecessary, big-situation outs. Fine, if they don't want you, root for someone else! San Diego would LOVE you! Anaheim might pay you! You couldn't pay me to hug the White Sox, by the way.

6. Two words: Hawk Harrelson. His gone-quiet response to an opposing team's home run is not only one of the funniest things on free TV it's also one of the most authentic expressions of love and devotion in all the major leagues. The rally monkey is a stunt. The Boston Idiots are a PR campaign. But Hawk too saddened to speak, that's the real deal. When he screams out 'PUT IT ON THE BOOOOOOAAAAARD", I die a little bit on the inside. It makes me vomit every damn time. Not giving another team credit for a long homerun is the same ignorance that kept the White Sox in the MLB's cellar, where they belong.

7. A vote for the White Sox is a vote for Carl Everett and a vote for Carl Everett is a vote for Chris Rock as baseball commissioner. "Rock is gonna tell it like it is," Everett told the Chicago Sun-Times last week. Sure, Everett's ideas on dinosaurs are completely wacky, but you gotta admit the Chris Rock thing, that's something we can all get behind. ...??? Whaaat? How about we vote AGAINST Chris Rock as commissioner...

8. Somebody needs to stand up and say, "Hey ... Hey! Paul Konerko's really good." Somebody has to say that. And that somebody should be you. OK, Paul Konerko is really good. So is Kobe Bryant. So is Todd Bertuzzi. So is Terrell Owens. I still hope all of them lose. A lot.

9. They've got momentum. Five straight wins down the stretch. Eight out of their last 10. Heck, they won the last three games over the desperate Indians starting guys named Gload, Ozuna and Borchard. They have Jose Contreras riding an eight-game win streak, including a 1.99 ERA in September. They have young Brandon McCarthy and his 1.67 ERA in his last 37-plus innings. I'm telling you, the swoon is old news, the choke story is played out. This club is cursed, yes, but it is also hot, and if we learned anything last year, we learned that historically long dry spells can be broken. The White Sox are looking like a train ride 16 coaches long right now. So get on board, little children, get on board. That just proves that other teams need your help more. We need to stop the evil empire before it's too late! JUMP OFF OF THE DAMN TRAIN!

10. You have no choice. Seriously. What are you gonna do, pull for the Padres? Yes. Cheer for the Padres. Cheer for the Angels. Cheer for the Braves. Cheer for the Cardinals. Cheer for the Astros. If all else fails, cheer for the Yankees (they will always be more evil, but at least they have won before...it's nothing new...) or the Red Sox (lesser of two evils). Just please GOD don't cheer for the Bitch Sox of Chi-Town. Here's one guy hoping that they get swept (unlikely given that they are winning 5-0 in the 3rd inning of the 1st game).

It's the truf.

2005-10-03T00:00:00.000-05:00

I'd go gay for Dane Cook. I just needed that to be out there.

The reason for the lack of real updates is that...well...there aren't any. I'm having a good time, but our schedule has been pretty full in terms of internships and class/studying.

The good news: Halloween party with a gaggle of University of Texas girls. Oh it's going to be a good holiday.

Thanksgiving with John might happen. Might not. We'll see. If not, I'll just hang around here, so things will still be good.

Mom is coming this weekend. I'll give her a Capital tour on Saturday morning, we'll do some shopping, we'll wander D.C....should be a fun weekend. The people around here sound like they'll be going out anyways, so it's better than sitting in the apartment because I'm not 21.

That's all for now. If anything actually important happens, I'll update, but so far it's been mighty uneventful.

AMAZING D-Wade Article

2005-09-30T10:40:00.000-05:00

OFF-COURT OR ON, DWYANE WADE IS THE MAN OF THE MOMENT-AND WILL BE FOR A GOOD LONG TIME

BY DAN LE BATARD PHOTOGRAPHS BY KARIN CATT

As Dwyane Wade trampolines into superstardom and becomes one of the NBA's 10 best players ¼

“Top five,” Stephen Jackson corrects.

Hold on. Can we pause the highlights reel and the attendant breathlessness in this discussion? Jackson missed nearly half of last season for punching out some fans, so let's bring in someone whose judgments aren't quite so impetuous. We may have to tolerate some generic coachspeak here, but if Mike Fratello had his choice between champion Manu Ginobili and Wade ¼

“Wade,” Fratello says, without hesitation.

Okay, um, how about a tastemaker, someone known for being stylish and trendy? Someone who made the basketball uniform fashionably fab so we'd no longer have to endure John Stockton in his too-tight Magnum, P.I. short-shorts? Hey, Jalen Rose-if all the world's basketball players are dumped into a really crowded green room to fill a draft for the one guy who will lead a team to a championship this year, surely a 27-year-old, seven-foot extraterrestrial like Dirk Nowitzki has to be the choice over a third-year 6’4" guard.

“I take Dwyane,” Rose says.

Okay, how about if Wade and LeBron were vying for the spot?

“Dwyane,” Rose says.

Wade or Kobe? “Take Dwyane. He's fearless. You can't stop him from getting to the basket. He's probably the most exciting player in our league.” Calling Grant Hill, your honor. He's smart and measured and walked Wade's path before his ankle betrayed him. Hill was proclaimed Air's heir once. He even appeared on a cover of GQ that included the question Can Grant Hill Save Sports? because he, like Wade, has the grace to weave effortlessly between the admiration of the fedora-wearing pimps and the Armani-clad corporate types. Hill knows better than most that when you enter the best-since-Jordan conversation, the packaging is almost as important as the gift. Hyperventilation, after all, never starts without hype. So, Grant-Wade or league MVP Steve Nash? “Wade,” Hill says. Wade or LeBron? “Dwyane,” Hill says. Wade or Allen Iverson? “Wade,” Hill says. Hill lets this progression marinate for a second. He scans the most recent playoff rosters in his mind. Ray Allen's team. Amare's team. Duncan's team. And, yeah, Shaq's team. Before you can ask any more comparative-shopping questions, Hill
comes right out and says it: during last spring's playoffs, Wade was, flat-out, no question, the best basketball player in the world.

“Period,” Hill says.
DWYANE WADE has entered rarified atmosphere, one that makes him, at once, both hot and cool. His name and game are on the same trajectory: rising. His 39-inch vertical leap is capable of carrying him all the way from the court right into the Oprah crowd. He is the right personality at the right time. David Stern says he wishes he could fly down to Miami, bottle what Wade has and pour the fragrance all over his league. Even the most disparate voices-from the scarred ghetto streets to the tree-lined cul de sacs, from the hip-hop community to Madison Avenue, from the indisputable truths of the hardwood to the subjective judgments of the front office-sing his praises in an echoing chorus.

“He's a genuinely nice young guy, completely adorable and, of course, a remarkably gifted and generous player,” says Vick Boughton, a senior editor at People, which recently named Wade one of the world's 50 Most Beautiful People. “The female NBA fans here-and there are quite a few-insisted we go with him.”

So Wade or fame?

Who you got?

“I get that question so much,” Wade says. “Everyone keeps asking when I'm going to change. Like it's expected.”

Wade is polite, kind, unselfish, approachable, humble, human. Everyone from Shaq to the arena janitors will tell you so. The people who work for the Heat have observed him in big and small moments, and marvel at how nice he is to folks of all statures. His touch isn't something limited to the perimeter. One intoxicating year as a superstar's sidekick couldn't corrupt his core. Yes, it's early, and a different kind of temptation beckons now, with Wade about to step out of Shaq's substantive shadow and into all the bright lights. Kobe Then didn't morph into Kobe Now until he got a taste.

Still, Wade comes off as fundamentally decent. And new-different from the scowling rebellion the sneaker companies sold in the most recent spin cycle. The formula works, as his agent, Henry Thomas, can attest:

Decent + New = $.

That's why Wade is so busy now putting the hot in Heat. Well, that and the fact that he's really, really good.
“WHERE DO I start?” Wade says, when asked about the single coolest thing that has come his way recently. The closetful of free clothes from new friend Diddy? Meeting Denzel? A TV appearance with Regis and Kelly? The cover of NBA Live 06?
The stores that close upon his arrival so he can shop in private? He ticks these off with a shrug of his sculpted shoulders, and then actually laughs out loud for uttering this sentence: “It was great to work with Jessica Alba at the MTV Music Awards.”

Wade has defeated odds, defeated doubt, defeated his draft class, defeated poverty, defeated gravity and, so far, defeated the tripleteam of vanity, ego and arrogance. But now comes the hard part, which is seeing clearly with all those flashbulbs constantly going off in his eyes. It is one thing to be a star in your sport, like gentleman Tim Duncan; it is another thing entirely to become a star, period. And as his boss, Pat Riley, knows, it isn't easy to stay grounded when everything else in your life feels like it's floating.

Wade's agent says he was swamped with an avalanche of requests and offers for his client during the playoffs. At the time, Wade's jersey was the No.1 seller at the NBA Store in Manhattan and on its website. People want to dress and look like D-Wade, and companies will pay big bank to be attached to D-Wade. Diddy has signed him to model for Sean John in Paris and beyond,
promising to make Wade “the first NBA supermodel.” Wade is a pretty sweet crossover. Hip-hop, yes-but also hip, with hops.

And to think it was only two years ago that Wade was wearing a Shaq jersey around the Marquette campus and taking out a loan so he could afford diapers. It wasn't even that long ago that Wade said he “couldn't get nobody to look at me.” Last off-season, Thomas tried to sell his client to corporate America by mailing unsolicited CDs to companies that showed Wade on and off the court, interacting with

children and dealing with the media. He got virtually no response.

And now? “Things are moving so fast,” Wade says. He is so busy that he forgets to tell his wife, Siohvaughn, that he's ¼ um ¼ yeah ¼ one
of the most beautiful people in the world. Even if he does remember to tell her about how Ray Lewis or Vivica A. Fox wanted to meet him, there's a real chance she won't hear it because she's too busy reading the Newsweek profile of her husband under a “Kobe Who?” headline.

Wade has the outsize wingspan and hands of someone 6’9". So there's no telling, as he makes the big leap across both his sport and the culture, just how much will end up within his grasp. He enjoys the attention in a quiet way (you don't walk down a Paris runway dressed up in Diddy's

clothes if you don't), but he remains humbled and awed by the developments. “Now people in other countries know who I am,” he says.

He remains, at the core, the baby-face kid who admits he is still a bit frugal. He spent his first NBA payday staring at the check. This is all under my name? I can do what I want with it? And we get another in two weeks? All his head coacheshigh school, college and pro-say he is about as incorruptible as a mortal can be. His biggest crime? He is too unselfish, refusing to take over games when he should because he is too focused on trying to keep his teammates involved. “My job is to give my teammates confidence,” he says. “I already have it.”

As Wade fan Dontrelle Willis likes to say, don't let the smooth taste fool you. There is an assassin buried beneath that polite smile, a competitive cruelty you'll find just about anywhere you find greatness. “I'm always mad when I'm playing basketball,” Wade says. By his own admission, Wade entered the league meek and no good at saying no, but now he says he is more confident, willing to upbraid veterans, willing to lead and win and to do something big.

Last season, Wade told a trash-talking Kobe to shut up. Did the same to courtside actors after making a buzzer-beating game-winner at Madison Square Garden. In neither instance did he start the conversation. But he did finish them both.

He is dealing from strength. Scott Skiles calls Wade the best guard in the league. Chauncey Billups says no one goes to the basket better. Tayshaun Prince says Wade is a tougher cover than Kobe. His own coach, Stan Van Gundy, marvels at Wade's efficiency. “Shoot a little, score a lot,” Van Gundy calls it.

Van Gundy, like most people who know Wade,
isn’t worried about ego polluting the purity of his star. “We all might be able to fake it for a while, but we are who we are,” he says. “We’ve been around Dwyane two full years now, and it would be hard to fake it for that long. He’s the real deal.”
AS WITH all the best stories, nobody saw this coming. Not Wade’s high school coach, who was just hoping his skinny guard might get a Division I shot. Not his college coach, who can’t believe Wade’s unfathomable growth over the past five years. Nobody who scouted, measured, observed, drafted or paid Wade admits to having any idea he was going to be all this. In fact, if the last-place Heat had lost a meaningless regular-season game against Toronto three seasons ago, putting them fourth on the draft board instead of fifth, Riley hints he’d have taken Chris Bosh instead.

Of course, we’re still a long way from Jordan, who once averaged 37 points a game and did his winning with Will Perdue and Bill Wennington, not Shaq. But best since MJ? Maybe.

For his part, Wade avoids all Jordan comparisons as if they carried something contagious. He respects the game and his idol too much to
place himself in that company, often cutting off Jordan comparisons before they get started. The most he’ll do is admit to having what he calls “Jordanlike symptoms.”

One Jordan symptom: Wade quietly gutted it out through the playoffs with the help of two cortisone shots-one needle under his 12th rib and another in his buttocks. He endured so much pain after being injured in Game 5 against the Pistons that it hurt to breathe at night even

“I’ve been trying to sell myself, my clothes, my team, my shoes,” Wade says. “If I’m going to be liked or disliked, I want people to get a chance to see me, talk to me, observe me. It’s my job to get the people who already like me to like me more and the people who dislike me to dislike me less.”

We are witnessing the making of a corporation. “What’s the biggest opportunity in front of me now?” Wade asks. “I’m not afraid. I’m not

with the numbing. It took him an hour to get out of bed the next morning. He couldn’t shoot a basketball for seven weeks after the season.

So his Converse campaign, over which he had creative control, had him all over the country this off-season shilling for a brand that, like him, was broke a few years ago. Wade just inked a new longterm extension with the shoemaker.

planning on doing a lot of falling down. I’m 23 years old. Gotta strike while this is hot. I never think I’m as good as other people think I am, but I do think I’m a winner. I want championships, not scoring titles or MVPs. And I’m not going to change. I won’t ever walk around like this is Wade County.”

He says this while sitting at the center of a fantasyland that may as well be called Wade’s World. Another one of his TV commercials is being filmed at the moment in the University of Miami’s basketball arena. A woman saunters by with a tray of cookies and Cuban coffee. Everyone who is milling about-light people, computer people, editing people, advertising people, sound people-is working very hard to make sure Wade looks just so. There is always an attendant nearby in case he needs something, wants something or thinks of maybe needing or wanting something. A DJ has been brought in to spin TI, 50 Cent and Jay-Z, Wade’s favorites. As a woman with an eyedropper comes by to apply fake sweat to Wade’s glistening frame, he says, “This is hard work.” He doesn’t even try to stifle the smile.

But, c’mon, there has to be a downside to all this attention. “Not anything bad about being me right now,” he says, as his smile grows wider.

The DJ turns up TI. Bring 'em out ¼ Still ballin', money stack taller than Shaq now ¼ It's clear to see that I'm ahead of my time ¼ I got a packed house yellin. Bring 'em out, bring 'em out. All my hot girls yellin. Bring 'em out, bring 'em out. All the dope boyz yellin. Bring 'em out, bring 'em out. From the back they yellin. The director calls for Wade to stand amid the extras who are there only to frame him.

“I never expected this,” Wade says, as he gets up and steps into his new world. “I did dream it, though. In the backyard. In bed.

“Now it’s coming, and I’m ready.”

Idiot.

2005-09-28T12:06:00.000-05:00

Tom Delay, you stupid mother-fucker...

Is this a joke?

2005-09-26T12:23:00.000-05:00

NO FUCKING WAY.

Thanks, Progressive Boink

2005-09-24T22:03:00.000-05:00

	MichaelTehader: Mmm, nothing like the baseball diamond and a delicious orange juice to celebrate the coming of Fall.
	raffi: may I have a sip of that please
	MichaelTehader: Sure, raffi! Nothing beats a TALL, frosty glass of O'Jay!
	MichaelTehader: hey, do you remember that show "tazmania" where his dad was alway
	raffi: hold on a second. Coach! Hey, coach!
	SamPer_Fi: Yes Raffi, what is it?
	raffi: I finally figured it out, these juices Tejada have been giving me are the reason I tested positive for steroids, not that I use steroids! It's been Miggy's fault all along!
	SamPer_Fi: What the shit are you talking about?
	raffi: And also one time I was on the DL so Tejada brought me some chicken soup. That chicken soup made me feel better. How? HOW DO YOU THINK.
	SamPer_Fi: So you're saying not only did you not do steroids, but the reason why you tested positively for them was because Miguel Tejada made you?
	SamPer_Fi: It's the fault of our best player, a positive figurehead in our community, and a man who brings racial and familial unity to our ball club...
	SamPer_Fi: ...instead of it being the fault of the aging, unsociable DRUG SPOKESMAN who we've already learned lied with a pointed finger to our government?
	raffi: Yes, that makes perfect sense.
	SamPer_Fi: Raffi, go home.
	MichaelTehader: Also, get hit by a car on your way there.
	raffi: Wait, did I say Miguel Tejada? Where's my brain. I meant that guy. It's that guy's fault.
	koolaid_the_gang: now what the fuck did i do

Ode to a Departed WR

2005-09-21T11:52:00.000-05:00

Jim Souhan: Ode to a departed Vikings receiver
Jim Souhan, Star Tribune
September 21, 2005

The Vikings are missing the contributions of a certain big-play receiver -- they've been losing since he left. And there's no chance of his return.

This is an admission. The Vikings do, indeed, miss their big-play wide receiver.

They miss the guy who produced all those touchdowns, who filled all those highlight reels, who shined during the greatest successes of the post-Purple People Eater era.

They miss the guy who overcame trouble early in his career to rise to greatness, who committed acts of silliness in the end zone, who made Daunte Culpepper a better quarterback, who was left heartbroken by the Vikings' 41-0 loss to the Giants in the 2000 NFC Championship Game.

To evoke his greatness, you need only intone his three-syllable name. The Vikings haven't been the same since he left, in 2002.

That's right, the receiver the Vikings have missed the most in the new millennium is not the most talented receiver in NFL history -- Randy Moss.

It's the best receiver in Vikings history -- Cris Carter.

Don't listen to the TV shills who tell you that two teams -- the Oakland Raiders and the Vikings -- will be defined by Moss this season.

That's the easy story from the booth. It's the wrong story in the real world, where sport can be inexplicable and more than talent counts.

For example, who knew back in 1991 that a waiver claim would land the Vikings a future Hall of Famer?

In 1992, Carter became the leading receiver on a playoff team. From that point until the drafting of Moss, the Vikings frequently changed quarterbacks, offensive coordinators, running backs and management teams. The constants were coach Denny Green and his good friend Cris Carter.

So you can divide recent Vikings history into two categories:
They went 56-40 (a .583 winning percentage) when Carter was their top receiver, from 1992 to 1997.
They went 41-23 (.641) from 1998 to 2001, when Carter and Moss played together.
They went 23-25 (.479) from 2002 to '04, after Carter left and Moss became the unquestioned star.

Now Moss is making spectacular catches and taking smoke breaks for a new team, and that team is 0-2, making his personal record 23-27 without Carter.

With Oakland, Moss has made those breathless TV announcers gasp with two 100-yard games, and then there is this:

On a key third down against New England, Moss dropped a pass, contributing to another loss.
On a key third-and-7 against Kansas City, Moss ran a 6-yard pattern, caught the ball and stepped out of bounds without bothering to stretch for the first down.

In both games, according to eyewitnesses, Moss continued his pattern of taking plays off.
This is not to say the Vikings couldn't use him. They need all the help they can get, and Moss' absence was one reason they couldn't run the ball against Tampa Bay.

And if Moss had performed spectacularly against Cincinnati, the Vikings might have lost only 38-21, and he might have walked off the field early, compounding his team's embarrassment.
Moss fans love to argue that he is a transcendent player, but he has proved to be a spectacular loser.

So, please, stop blaming the Vikings' woes on Moss' departure.
When the players are good enough -- and the current Vikings should be at least competent -- there is no choice but to blame the coaching.

Former offensive coordinator Scott Linehan was Culpepper's security blanket. When Linehan took over quarterback coaching duties during the 2002 season, Culpepper was transformed into the man who set an NFL record for combined passing and rushing yards last year.

Now Linehan is gone, new offensive coordinator Steve Loney is trying to learn on the job and coach a depleted offensive line and call plays, and Tice is displaying the leadership skills that made New Orleans the tourist attraction it is today.

At this point in his career, Culpepper should be tutoring Loney and taking charge of the offense, not paying homage to Monty Python's 100-meter dash for people with no sense of direction.
Tice and Culpepper welcomed life without Randy.

Through two games, both have failed to take command of their team, and both seem to agree that Culpepper should shoulder the blame.

Not really a post

2005-09-19T13:32:00.000-05:00

Sorry about the lack of posting...I've been really damn busy. Here's an example of the things that I've been up to:

- Meeting Barack Obama and Dick Durbin for breakfast
- Proofreading briefs for Lautenberg
- Spending time with good friends
- Spending over an hour at the grocery store...AFTER we bought our food
- Watching the Roberts nomination hearings
- Watching assloads of 24 (season 2)

Here's the highlight of my week, though (besides hearing that Edina beat 'Tonka in football...CONGRATS Curt, if you read this):

Here are the speaker awards from Wake Forest's debate tournament this weekend:

Varsity:
1st- Gaurav Bhatnagar, Marquette BJ

HELLS.
FUCKING.
YES.

I Love You ESPN.

2005-09-10T12:23:00.000-05:00

Read this:

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Things looked pretty bleak to Jose Guillen.

NL wild-card standings
Team	W	L	Pct.	GB
Astros	75	65	.536	--
Marlins	75	66	.532	½
Phillies	74	67	.525	1½
Nationals	73	69	.514	3

His Washington Nationals were trailing the Atlanta Braves by four runs, their bullpen was weary, their offense was quiet again, and a fourth consecutive loss seemingly was on the horizon, another blow to fast-fading wild-card hopes.So Guillen turned to teammate Carlos Baerga in the dugout and told him what he thought: Unless we come back here, forget about the playoffs.Then, with plenty of help, Guillen went out and did something about it, breaking a tie with a two-run double in the eighth inning for his 1,000th career hit to cap Washington's 8-6 victory over NL East leader Atlanta on Friday night."I'm pretty sure if we lost," Guillen said, "the season was done."Wild-card leader Houston's 7-4 loss to Milwaukee allowed Washington to pull within three games of the Astros."We're still alive," Vinny Castilla said. "We showed today that we still believe."Castilla's upper-deck solo homer off reliever Kyle Davies cut Washington's deficit to 6-4 in the seventh."We should have won that game," Davies said.The win was similar in so many ways to several that came when the Nationals were starting 50-31 and occupying first place. The rally. The final margin. The bullpen work, including Chad Cordero's 1-2-3 ninth inning for his club-record 44th save. And the clutch hit from Guillen."I forgot about him," Nationals manager Frank Robinson said.Even Guillen acknowledged: "I don't know when was the last time I had a big hit like that at home to win a game."When Davies walked the first two batters in the eighth -- pinch-hitter Ryan Church and .203-hitting Cristian Guzman -- he was replaced by John Foster (4-2). Pinch-hitter Jamey Carroll bunted the runners up, and Brad Wilkerson doubled down the right-field line to score both and tie it at 6."We could have very easily folded the way things are going," Wilkerson said.Foster walked pinch-hitter Baerga and was lifted for Dan Kolb, who began the season as Atlanta's closer."You get beat when you walk guys," Braves manager Bobby Cox said.Guillen connected on Kolb's first pitch. As he stood on second base, Guillen pumped his fist, then clapped his hands over his head, while the portable stands at RFK Stadium shook the way they did in the season's first half."It sure was welcome. Like old times," Robinson said.Gary Majewski (3-3) pitched a perfect eighth for the win, then gave way to Cordero, who struck out Todd Hollandsworth and Rafael Furcal to end it.It was a result that appeared unlikely, and not just because the Nationals faced a 6-2 deficit after Andruw Jones hit his major league-leading 46th homer in the fifth off starter Esteban Loaiza.It was more than the deficit. It was also that Washington's bullpen was worn down after throwing 19 innings the previous three days and its offense has been the worst in baseball.But the Nationals fought back with Preston Wilson's RBI single in the fifth off Ramirez, and Castilla's 11th homer, the first off Braves pitching in 34 2-3 innings.Jones had helped build the lead with an RBI double in the first and his three-run homer. Left fielder Marlon Byrd grabbed the wall and jumped, the top of the padding peeling away in his hand, and the ball sailed just beyond his glove.As Jones rounded the bases, the score 6-2 and his NL-best RBI total at 118, a contingent of Braves fans down the right-field line yelled "MVP!" over and over while doing the tomahawk chop -- making the outfielder feel right at home and drawing jeers from other parts of the announced crowd of 36,295.The home fans stuck around, and were rewarded in the eighth."That's exactly what we did in the first half," said Church, who came off the disabled list Friday. "The crowd noise, the way we came back -- those are the Nationals everyone's accustomed to."

Come on...read it again. Why, you might ask?

"Jones had helped build the lead with an RBI double in the first and his three-run homer. Left fielder Marlon Byrd grabbed the wall and jumped, the top of the padding peeling away in his hand, and the ball sailed just beyond his glove.As Jones rounded the bases, the score 6-2 and his NL-best RBI total at 118, a contingent of Braves fans down the right-field line yelled "MVP!" over and over while doing the tomahawk chop -- making the outfielder feel right at home and drawing jeers from other parts of the announced crowd of 36,295."
My friends, those fans were Marcus and I. Sitting about 30 rows up on the 1st base-line, we STARTED the MVP chant before Jones went up to bat, STARTED it after the homerun, and DEFINITELY STARTED the tomahawk chop. It was....amazing.

Hope

2005-09-06T13:01:00.000-05:00

It's finally Tuesday, which means that people finally get to start their internships! Well, everyone but me, that is. I got the day off so that Lautenberg could get back in the swing of things, so I'll start tomorrow. More updates after that.

It's been an interesting week. There's a lot that I could say, but I'll withold comment. It makes for an even more interesting next few days, so maybe there will be something to report after everything is figured out. Drama is bad, except when it's good. I hope it's good this time. I really, really hope it's good this time.

Enough Said.

2005-09-03T07:52:00.000-05:00

...

2005-08-30T20:45:00.000-05:00

So.

Busy.

No.

Fucking.

Time.

To.

Blog.

Why.

Can't.

I.

Have.

Any.

Free.

Time?.

The.

Weekend.

Needs.

To.

Get.

Here.

:)

EDIT:

I.

Lied.

We.

Have.

Class.

This.

Weekend.

Fuck.

That.

Fuck.

It.

Right.

In.

The.

Butt.

A Heartfelt Goodbye

2005-08-27T00:06:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry that it's been so long since I posted. The truth is that I've been packing and getting ready to leave for Washington D.C., which took a majority of my time over the last week or so. I leave tomorrow (technically today) for McLean, VA to stay with Lauren for a night, then I'll be in my new apartment by Sunday afternoon. Packing has been rough, but I think I'm almost where I need to be. Packing your life into 4 bags is really tough. Really, really, really tough.

For those interested, I'll still be posting on this blog while I'm in D.C. We have at least one internet jack in our room and Marcus will hopefully let me use it at least once a week. My cell phone is still the same (952-212-3424), so feel free to call anytime just to catch up. If you need to get a hold of me, that's the easiest way. Call the cell. In case you don't know it, my e-mail address is andrew.t.james@mu.edu.

I'm not sure what apartment number Marcus and I have, so I'll have to update this when I get it. The street address is:

Drew James
502 E Capital St NE
Washington, D.C. 20003

I'll be in touch, I'm sure, but don't plan on nightly updates. Chances are that I'll be doing my thang on the East Coast. I'll be back in Minnesota on December 17th, so hopefully more than a few people will be here when I get back.

Time to finish packing. Dammit. Good luck to everybody this upcoming semester, take it easy, and keep in touch!!! I mean it - everybody needs to Marcus and I a hello at some point.

Love, Sex, Kisses, and Raccoon Porn to all -

-Drew

ChiSox Lose: A Cubs Perspective

2005-08-24T00:12:00.000-05:00

Conjuring up toxic antidote to Sox mania

Eric Zorn - Chicago Tribune
Published August 23, 2005

Put the number 48 on the booooooarrrrrd ... YES!

That's the total of White Sox defeats plus Cleveland Indians victories necessary in the remaining weeks of the regular season to assure that the Sox will lose the American League Central division and eclipse the storied collapse of the 1969 Cubs.

We fans in Cubs Nation are buzzing excitedly among ourselves about the prospect. The stomach-churning dread that afflicted Mudville--I mean the South Side--as the Sox lost 7 games in a row until winning on Sunday was the tonic we've been seeking in the otherwise dismal 2005 season.

Our guys have been fragile and mediocre. Their guys, until recently, have been plucky and astonishing. Galling doesn't begin to say it.

But instead of wailing "Wait 'til next year!" for the 96th straight autumn as our hopes of a wild-card berth fade, we're hooting, "Wait 'til Sept. 16!" That's when the White Sox play the first of 17 games in 17 days to close out the regular season; 13 of them will be against their closest division rivals, the Indians and the Minnesota Twins.

Some of you will be dismayed at our lack of regional loyalty. They are the Chicago White Sox, after all, and we are Chicagoans, figuratively if not literally.

Others will recoil at the mean-spiritedness inherent in rooting against another team when one's own team is not involved in any way.

But true White Sox fans will understand. True White Sox fans know the pleasure in a rival's pain. They have survived nearly a century comforted only by the slogan, "My two favorite teams are the Sox and whoever the Cubs are playing."

True Sox fans will remember how tingly warm, Christmas-morning they felt in 2003 when the Cubs came within five outs of making the World Series, then fell to pieces after a fan deflected a foul ball.

They will also remember that it added savor to the moment to know that their happiness--so near, so smug, so palpable--contributed at least slightly to our misery.

Newcomers often recoil at the apparent dysfunctionality of baseball fandom in Chicago, and they strain to rise above it. I certainly did. In September of 1993--13 years after I moved here and took an apartment on the North Side--I jumped onto the White Sox bandwagon as they surged toward the post-season.

I regret this fair-weather apostasy, not only because the Sox tanked in the first round of the playoffs (naturally), but also because it robbed me of much satisfaction when the Sox reverted to mediocrity. In 2000, when the Sox again were riding atop the standings, I picked up on the loutish triumphalism of their fans and realized, at last, that the "can't we all just get along?" mantra is just so much wimpy nonsense. Traditionally, a front-running team's "magic number" is the total of victories by them plus defeats by their nearest opponent that guarantees them a first-place finish. For the Sox that number is now 32.

But front-running teams also have what I'm calling a "toxic number"--in effect, the second place team's magic number (the easy formula for figuring these numbers is posted to chicagotribune.com/changeofsubject).

And true Sox fans will be pleased that I've calculated theirs.

First, because 48 is an awfully high toxic number with only 41 games left in their season and an 8-game lead in the standings. The Sox are still very likely to win the division and choke in--I mean make--the post-season.

And second, because in doing so I've revealed that Cubs fans really do care, despite the air of serene indifference about the Sox we've projected over the many years that Sox fans have whined and moaned self-pityingly about us.

An anecdote: For the first time ever this weekend, I overheard Rick, my Cubs-fan neighbor, listening to Sox games as he did chores on his back porch. When I called over the fence to ask about it, he smiled broadly. "I'm really into this losing streak!" he said.

We made the high-five gesture to one another.

Soon enough, the moment will be a very pleasant memory for someone, won't it?

I See The Light

2005-08-19T08:40:00.000-05:00

LAST DAY OF WORK!!!!1

Notes of interest:
- Twins won. That's 7 of their last 8, if I'm not mistaken. Notice the Wildcard Standings on the right...we're coming up fast!
- Janine and I went to see John play last night at the French Press Jazz Club in St. Paul. He's REALLY improved since high school (not that I'd expect him to stagnate, but it's still fun to see people after they work hard at something)!
- TONIGHT: Twins/Seattle, Vikings/Jets SATURDAY: Twins v. Felix Hernandez (a must-watch game...the kid is 19)
- Here's something to make you chuckle if you saw the game last night:

Pioneer Press -

If that wasn't enough craziness for one day, the woeful Mariners supplied a bit more in the third inning of Thursday night's game. Justin Morneau had just singled Joe Mauer to second base. Seattle shortstop Yuniesky Betancourt took the throw from the outfield and decided to try the hidden ball trick.

The problem was, he didn't tell anybody. Pitcher Ryan Franklin had no idea what was going on. Meanwhile, Mauer was standing squarely on second base.

"He was talking to me to try to get me off the base," Mauer said. "But I was right on the base."
Mauer didn't know Betancourt had the ball. But he knows enough not to walk off the bag until the pitcher steps on the mound. They taught him well at Cretin-Derham Hall.

Sure enough, Franklin got tired of waiting and stepped on the mound, figuring he would show Betancourt he was ready to pitch.

That's a balk. A pitcher can't step on the mound without the ball. Mauer was sent to third, Morneau to second. The Mariners howled at second-base umpire Gary Darling but had no case. Clearly this isn't the smartest team.

Twins are home v. Seattle tonight, Cleveland is home against Baltimore, Toronto is at Detroit, NYY are at the Bitch Sox, and KC goes to Oakland. As Twins fans, we should cheer for the Twins (duh), cheer for the Tigers, Cheer for the Bitch Sox (or at least cheer for a major catastrophe that hurts 10-20 players from either team...preferably a tornado...or stray bear), cheer for Baltimore (will be a theme for the last few weeks of the season), and cheer for KC (not hard). It is your civil duty.

EDIT: Also, a MUST Watch. Sunday is Minensota's day on ESPN's 50 states in 50 days celebration. There will be coverage of both Twins Championships, all Vikings choke-jobs, and much more.

Thank You, Aleve

2005-08-18T08:40:00.000-05:00

Ow. My neck feels like someone hit me in the back of the head with a 2x4. There's no time for complaining, though, because.....

THE TWINS BEAT THE BITCH SOX!!! SWEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We're only 4 games back on the wildcard now, which is still going to be TOUGH, but at least we're getting closer. If MN can just make the playoffs, I still like our chances.

Tonight: MN v. Seattle (a last place team). It's gunna be off da' hook, dawg.

2 more days of work (including today). 2. Only 2. Who am I kidding, these will be the 2 longest days of my life.

EDIT: Hey people: Wanna watch the twins game again tonight? I'd actually prefer watching it on TV to going to the game (gotta save money, plus it's easier on my neck), so let me know what you think. Janine: If you read this, don't let me forget my laptop if we do watch the game together. I'll make you a cd or two for your trip.

Why am I awake before 9AM?

2005-08-17T08:38:00.000-05:00

Twins: 2 Bitch Sox: 0

Tonight: Johan v. Buehrle 7:05 PM
FOR THE SWEEP
John/Janine, we need to be watching this game. I saw from the 10th inning on last night and it was magnificent. The twins need us.

Some free time reading. It's an article about Kevin Friede.

P.S. 3 MORE DAYS OF WORK...not that I'm excited or anything.

Dirty Jokes and MORE!

2005-08-16T09:04:00.000-05:00

Who wants to see The Aristocrats tonight with me???

It's supposed to be HILARIOUS.

7:40 at the Landmark Uptown. Let me know if you're as interested as I am.

http://www.thearistocrats.com/images/pdfs/new_yorker.pdf

Attending (Updated in Real Time):
1. Drew James
2. The goddess herself...THE Emily Bullion

Undecided:
1. John (unlikely)
- IF John , THEN Emilia

Wanks:
1. Craig "I like boys" Hogle
2. Beha

It's looking more and more like an EXCLUSIVE DATE OMG WE'RE SO GOING OUT.

Oh, and it seems Marcus will not be stopping in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area today, as his family has decided to continue their straight, flat drive towards Indiana without stopping early for dinner. 'Tis a shame.

Quick Update

2005-08-15T09:25:00.000-05:00

The poker tournament was a lot of fun, but I definitely didn't have lady luck on my side. In fact, she pretty much slapped me across the face. That bitch. In other news, I only have 5 more days left at work!!!!!!!!!! Not that I'm excited or anything.

I officially got the internship with Senator Lautenberg (D-NJ) for fall semester. I'm real excited about it because it gives me a chance to do a lot of research on domestic policy and work closely with the senator's top aides, which I think will be pretty fascinating. I'll update on how it goes, but for now I'm not sure that I could have asked for a better congressional internship. I fly out for D.C. on the 27th, for those that are keeping track.

THINGS TO BUY BEFORE D.C.:
- Digital Camera
- 24 - season 2 dvd (Marcus, if you read this, call me...i'm interested in splitting the price for this)
- poker chips

Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

2005-08-12T13:50:00.000-05:00

What: Poker game/tournament (depending on the level of interest). Likely $5 buy-ins.
Where: TBA
When: Saturday Night, likely after 8 or 9
Why: It's poker. Good chance to gamble, chillax, and have a good time
Who: Whoever wants to play. No joke, anyone is welcome.

Interested? Leave a comment here or send me an e-mail at andrew.t.james@marquette.edu

I need RSVPs ASAP.

A great e-mail.

2005-08-12T09:09:00.000-05:00

A Texas Chili Contest
Warning - If you can read this whole story without laughing out loud,
then there's no hope for you.

Note: For those of you who have lived in Texas , you know how true this
is. They actually have a chili cook-off about the time Halloween comes
around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio
city park.

The notes are from an inexperienced chili taster named Frank, who was
visiting from Springfield ,IL

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I
happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions
to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the
other two judges (native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy
and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I
accepted." Here are the scorecards from the event: (Frank is Judge #3)

Chili # 1 Eddie's Maniac Monster Chili...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge #3 -- (Frank) What the hell is this stuff?! You could remove dried
paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put out the flames. I hope
that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy!

Chili # 2 Austin 's Afterburner Chili
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor; needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what
I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who
wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer
when they saw the look on my face.

Chili # 3 Ronny's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels
like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me
more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone
is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting pie-eyed from all of the
beer...

Chili # 4 Dave's Black Magic...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish, or
other mild foods; not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable
to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid,
was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. woman is starting
to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an
aphrodisiac?

Chili # 5 Lisa's Legal Lip Remover...
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit
the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead, and I
can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili
had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring
beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off.
It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
Screw those rednecks.

Chili # 6 Pam's Very Vegetarian Variety...
Judge # 1 -- Thin, yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of
spices and peppers.
Judge #2-- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic.
Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
sulphuric flames. I pooped on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will
eat through the chair! No one seems inclined to stand behind me except
that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow
cone.

Chili # 7 Carla's Screaming Sensation Chili...
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho-hum; tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried
about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress, as he is cursing
uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds
like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which
slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my
shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've
decided to stop breathing; it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any
oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole
in my stomach.

Chili # 8 Karen's Toenail Curling Chili...
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too
bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild,
nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 farted,
passed out, fell over, and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself.
Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have
reacted to really hot chili.

Midwest is Best.

2005-08-11T11:19:00.000-05:00

I'm back. There is a post about the road trip on the conglomeration blog (see the sidebar), so I won't do too much updating.

If anyone wants to go to the Vikings game tomorrow with me, let me know. They're upper deck tickets and it's just a preseason game, but football games are always fun.

I interviewed with Senator Lautenberg (D-NJ) today for a fall internship. I should hear back in just over a week, so I'll let you know when I hear. I assume that I'll get it, but if I don't...Marquette may have fun finding a place for me to work. That's what they get for working last-minute.

FRISBEE CHAMPIONSHIPS ARE TONIGHT. FUCK YEAH.

I Sail Off...

2005-08-06T23:14:00.000-05:00

Dear my loyal readers,

I embark tomorrow morning on a roadtrip to Washington D.C. I will not be back until Wednesday afternoon. Try not to cry.

Love,

Drew

P.S. The Twins need to keep winning. Someone: PLEASE cheer them on for me.

Mo' Money, Mo' Good Times

2005-08-05T09:59:00.000-05:00

OMFG IT'S PAY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 I love pay day because it's the one of the few days in my life that I can feel less poor. Some of the check likely will be spent on a new digital camera for my stay in D.C. coming up fast...my other dig cam mysteriously disappeared last December and i'm now officially declaring it legally lost. In my own house. God, sometimes I hate living with people.

Yesterday the Million Billion Beavers, the #7 seed in the playoff pool, advanced to the championship game in the Twin Cities Ultimate League by beating "Others" (aka the MN masters team) in the semis. Next Thursday, it's ON (and don't even pretend like it's not on when it most CERTAINLY is on).

2 days until massive roadtrip. This is another gentle reminder for mix cds. I'll take as many as I can get.

Today will NOT be a productive day. I can feel it.

Line of the day: "You'll sit around forever if you wait for the right time. What are you hoping for?" -Jimmy Eat World, 23. I won't get too sentimental, but it's a line that stands out to me.

If there's a God, the Twins will whoop the crap out of the BoSox tonight. We need revenge for the cheap shot that Fenway took at Torii. Boston must be destroyed. Maybe a Bartlett-Bomb? a Mauer-Missile? Oh I know, a Punto particle beam. Either way, I hope every Red Sock is wiped off of the planet.

Why Even Bother?

2005-08-04T08:35:00.000-05:00

Movin' Out was a really good time. The guy singing Billy Joel's songs was pretty impressive and the entire band really had a good show. It made me think, though...I wonder if any more modern bands or artists will someday be popular enough to have a whole broadway show themed after their songs. I ran short on ideas. U2? Probably not. Goo Goo Dolls? Yeah, right.

Today I will probably have lunch at Cosettas with J9er, JGuarer, and Elizabether. Tonight are the semi-finals for Ultimate Frisbee, which will be intense to say the least. I seem to be running low on things to update the world on today. I'm just tired in general.

The roadtrip has been finalized. We'll leave on Sunday, drive most of the day, then spend the night in Normal, IL with my dad and grandparents. We'll leave the next morning and end up somewhere around Ohio/Pennsylvania I think. Anyways, the moral of the story is that I'll be in D.C. by Tuesday, then will fly back on Wednesday afternoon. Exciting, I know.

OK, no more posting for the sake of posting. I'll update this later if I think of something worth reading.

You stay classy, Minneapolis.

4-Wheel Politics

2005-08-03T08:30:00.000-05:00

I've heard a couple of different release dates for the new Outkast album, 10 - The Hard Way, but the most common seems to be August 23rd. For those numerically challenged, that's only 20 days. Hot. Shit. I guess it's a really hip-hop oriented album that will go back to the roots of Outkast and their earlier albums. I'm intrigued.

Tonight: Moving Out, the Billy Joel musical, with Elizabeth (John's g/f) and the entire Guari clan. Should be a LOT of fun! It's my big chance to go on a hott date with John's sister. We're probably gunna hook up.

So here's the story: Lauren's b/f is super rich. Said b/f purchased a new 2005 green jeep ($51,000 retail...it could be silver...I can't really remember....it really doesn't make much of a difference), then decided that he wanted a luxory vehicle instead (rough, I know). He's going to sell the car. I joked that I'd turn Republican if he gave me the car rather than selling it (not like it's a big dent in his wallet). The question of the day: Would you sell your soul for a new 2005 jeep? My answer? A clear and definitive "YES". His one question: "What kind of Republican would you be?" My answer? A really, really devoted one. With a jeep.

Would look good in my front yard, I think.

You Know How to Please Me

2005-08-02T09:35:00.000-05:00

This is less for you than it is for me. I just need to keep track of what CDs I want to download before I take off on Sunday for the East Coast. If you have any suggestions, though, by all means let me know.

- Mercury Rev - Yerself is Steam
- ~~Stereophonics - Dakota~~
- The New Jason Mraz CD
- Spoon - Gimme Fiction
- The Hold Steady - Separation Sunday
- The Mountain Goats - The Sunset Tree
- Stars - Set Yourself on Fire
- Eels - Blinking Lights and Other Revelations
- Brian Wilson - Smile
- Elliot Smith - From a Basement on the Hill
- Damien Jurado - Where Shall You Take Me
- Ted Leo and the Pharmacists - Hearts of Oak
- N.E.R.D. - In Search Of...(2nd Edition)
- The Dismemberment Plan - Emergency and I
- Explosions in the Sky - The Earth is Not a Cold Dead Place
- Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Self Titled
- Death Cab for Cutie - Transatlanticism (Apparently I lost my copy somehow)

Maybe Tomorrow

2005-08-02T08:19:00.000-05:00

It seems there's a case of disappearing comments...I'm pretty sure that John had 2 comments yesterday afternoon, but now they are gone. Intriguing. I wonder if this blog is haunted.

Rafael Palmeiro: HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I think the irony of the Palmeiro suspension (for those of you that don't pay attention to the news, Raffy was suspended for steroid use just weeks after getting his 3,000th hit) is that he testified earlier this year about how clean he was. He was denied the ability to appeal by the MLB, which means that he really has no ground to stand on. I'll hold off for a bit until I really understand what's going on, but I'm guessing that he'll still get into the Hall of Fame.

Cra and I went to Cheapo last night, which was a long overdue trip for me. He bought 486,300 cds and dvds...I bought 3 cds. I picked up an older Stereophonics cd (You Gotta Be There To Come Back), I bought The Juliana Theory - Love, and I bought The Doves - Live in Eden. So far, I'm really liking all 3.

This is one of those days at work where I'd pay money to just put my head down and take a nap. Maybe I should...

There's a First for Everything

2005-08-01T11:13:00.000-05:00

So I think I have the clock set correctly now. I'm still tweaking how the site looks and it'll probably be changed a LOT in the next month, but I've got it to a point where it's functional. Good enough for now.

I'll just repeat what I said on my last xanga entry...I'm heading on a massive road-trip with Lauren (sister) to Washington D.C. on Sunday and anyone that wants to make me a mix-cd would be my personal hero. You'll even get bonus points if it doesn't suck balls.

Let me know if you'd like to see anything specifically changed on the site - I'm not an HTML genius, but I like a good challenge and I'm willing to learn.